Captain Fantastic: A Reflection on our Future Generations to the realities of Death and Closure

It is not very often do I laugh in film. Mainly, I believe it is because what is broadcasted mainstream is often correlated to the extreme ideologies and insensitivities, such those exhibited by certain Trump supporters, we are so many are terrified of.  From breasts and genitalia to mocking other cultures, races, or genders, this content most often never provides a method which allows us to critically think about the societies around us in the real world.

Captain Fantastic was an incredible roller coaster Viggo Mortensen’s Captain Fantastic took me on. I do not think I have ever laughed so uncontrollably to the point of crying (believe the last similar experience was ‘Alive Inside’). It definitely tapped into feelings, values, understandings, and experiences, and it definitely was empowering to know others are challenging our stagnant realities. From funerals and closure, education and critical thinking, parenting and honesty, and the to understanding has happened through the choices in urbanization and understanding modern agricultural practices

Almost everyone will experience being a parent, babysitter or (unknowingly or not) a role model to the youth we shape around us. Our society, preoccupied with censorship, seems to have a very hard time giving honest answers to children. Death and sex are one of the major contenders of lack of honesty. But aren't those some of the most difficult conversations for us to have, because we couldn't find the confidence to. But what if we were honest and reduce the stress and hype to begin with? One of the key goals of parenting is to provide a safe space for children to come to you for answers and support. Who are you really protecting when you’re not providing information they will inevitably confront? Wouldn’t you rather it come from you than someone or something else that may not have the same consideration for them? Whether it be about how a baby is conceived to mental illness, child developmental psychologists lead that it is the parents and those around them that teach children to be deal with stress by being dishonest and to lie. What is really aiding the cousins at the dinner table about not just being honest what happened to their aunt. Suicide is a hard reality so why not benefit our children for being aware of the signs and the realities of countering unhappiness. Mother Meg Rosoff gives personal insight on how You can’t protect children by lying to them - the truth will hurt less. Like when the youngest asks about sex and rape, the father is honest and matter-of-fact about the differences it is consensual for pleasure, procreation, while the other be degrading and disrespectful. The child cringed, not because she was scared, but because she was educated and aware of good and bad behaviours.

Education is to be a tool to understanding, but what is its purpose if we are not using it to its full potential? Two main scenes stand out to me in the film when the father is pushing the daughter to think more critically, and encouraging her to go beyond the synopsis, rather towards her personal feelings of reading Lolita. More specifically, the point was proven after a parental debate on the effectiveness and capability of father’s home-schooling over public education. The teenage boys could hardly convey what the the country’s Bill of Rights was, while the eight year old girl not only versed out but could independently explain the fundamental importance of upholding basic human rights. Education must be about nourishing children’s understanding of facts beyond memorization. We treat and educate children like we assume children cannot think critically for themselves but in fact it is us holding them back from reaching their potential. Sir Ken Robinson who throughout his career, has dedicated to ensure youth are growing up towards their potential, whatever form of education parents choose, that currently:
Do schools kill creativity : “Our education system has mined our minds in the way that we strip-mine the earth: for a particular commodity. And for the future, it won't serve us. We have to rethink the fundamental principles on which we're educating our children.” What he is describing, is education that originates for the purpose of feeding the Industrial Age that feeds consumerism and the challenges we face today of blind exploitation. Like the education the father has given to his children, will greatly exceed the money of academics. They will most definitely be the leaders and initiators for sustainable living. As Ken Robinson concludes, “The only way we'll do it is by seeing our creative capacities for the richness they are and seeing our children for the hope that they are. And our task is to educate their whole being, so they can face this future. By the way -- we may not see this future, but they will. And our job is to help them make something of it.” We all want the best for our children.

One of the major in-your-face eye-openers was at the very beginning when the family worked together to kill and gut a deer for meat. Forget the most violent human - to - human violence, instead I hear a great cringe from the audience. The volume of violence on our screens is definitely  messing with our psychies on the emotions that truly matter. Funny enough, seeing the respect and care they took towards the animal, over the processes promoted by superstores, I can relate. It is because I've done it myself, growing up in an environment where my parents, frustrated over continuously contending with the moral of the meat we wanted to eat that  was not raised or treated well, decided to do it ourselves, even when it is emotionally difficult to do the act of killing.

My experiences growing up raising produce and animals on a hobby farm

Having left that environment and stepped into urban life, I have began to see the hypocrisies of opinions over animals and food. I have had into adulthood, people shocked and horrified that we raise and butcher ourselves, while they are completely in support of eating their McDonald's burger. So why not shame the acts of violence and disrespect over shaming the complete intake of a particular animal? Often those who have never lived out of the comforts of their kind of society, for example Western North America, find it hard to grapple with mindfulness in respecting cultural sensitivity and diversity,  or making the distinction of viewing animals other than pets.Given the encouragement to think critically about our consumption and impact, we have the power of clearheaded choice. Much like this 11-year old boy motivated to come on TED Talk on What’s wrong with our food system, the children of this film were encouraged with the necessary awareness to be the next generations to a sustainable society that is no longer solely dictated by business.

Another lovely topic the film brings up is that of what happens after a loved one dies. Do all parts of family respect the wishes of the deceased despite differences in personal views? How about setting personal views of others aside, so to work together from the common struggles of dealing loss and healing? The film confronts not only the harsh realities currently in our societies who lack the respect of either the deceased and family choices, but also the methods we go about in hopes of finding a sense of closure. Focus their efforts to the Psychology of Death and Dying as Kubler-Ross, we are beginning to understand the  stress and human dissatisfaction that has come from businesses preying on those who are most vulnerable, promising closure, and leaving people with massive death debts, while it was not the wishes of the deceased in the first place. Let wills and respecting wishes be the family's process of healing and even learning more about this loved one, by respecting their loved ones freedom of choice one last time. The second theme found in the film,  is the importance of following through with an effective process of grieving, which is inevitably following what the loved one asked to be done. The father and kids would have had an unbearable and family-breaking result, if they had not had the safe space to express how they felt from the loss. In their case, they did not feel that there was respect from the parents of their daughter wanted; to not have a funeral in a church, to be cremated and have her remains flushed down the toilet. Moreover, it is a reminder that you have to really be part of the process to achieve personal healing. Just look at the power of music for this. In a TED Talk, Nancy Burns discusses going Beyond Closure, concluding, "We live in a culture that tells us to be happy all the time. Sometimes, life sucks, bad things happen. Knowing that joy and grief can be held together is so important, because it’s a long journey without the possibility of joy."

Moreover an aerospace engineer once told me that “Joy and grief are BOTH necessary. Experiencing one without enough of the other devalues both. If things are going too smooth, there's a good chance you aren't going anywhere. In the same way, if things are too rough, you won’t be going anywhere either. Suitable perturbations are necessary to move forward or change paths: be it in life, or in physics (yay Newton!)”. Other works please see The Final Frontier

Films like Captain Fantastic are excellent reminders and providers of empathy. There is no superhero as no one is perfect, but there is something pretty super in the ability to apologize and say you’re sorry. Even if it was not one that tickled your fancy, it helps to understand others’ point of view, and to see where we can meet the common ground of values and needs.

 

SEE ALSO:

Canadians for a Sustainable Society #SustainableCND

Born to lie - CBC Ideas
Snapshot of Different Learning in the Classroom
Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl

#empathyandequalitymatters

Breathe: Making It Happen

Since I arrived back from Guatemala, it has been career planning and resetting my career objectives. The pressure of figuring out what career path “best” matches your interests and values is ubiquitously hard. I acknowledge and respect that as a woman in a developed and progressive society I am even able to take more time than others to test the waters. Having the ability and cultural support in career searching through school and work plays an integral part in socioeconomics and the country and culture I live in allows me to do so. But more importantly, this does not mean it is limited to this status and that no matter where we are, what country or demographic, we strive for our potential and what will make us happy in our life.  My time in high school taught me little of how to be in-tune with my interests to a career field. Along the way some words of inspiration have given support to these concerns. TED Talk guest Emilie Wapnick on “Why some of us don’t have one true calling” hits the discussion on the spot of the anxiety of that never-ending question we are asked: “What do you want to do when you grow up”; from the age of 3 onwards. Looking back, I have answered: zoologist, veterinarian, linguist , pilot, cinematographer, prime minister, taking over a small family business, nurse, working under the UN, and the list goes on and on.  Later, the concern was not that I did not have any interests but that I have too many. I am only beginning to see connections to all these world issues and how we are all connected; but what career is this leading me to?!? It cannot be a bad thing to acknowledge you have a lot of diverse interests can it? In this particular case it most certainly seems to be my challenge, I’m proud to have a tremendous number of doors open, I’m stuck with the dilemma of which doors to close. How can I ever find a job/career path that balances aspects of these interests and strengths? I know I am not the only one so I see the benefit in sharing, especially if it will garner me a better answer to this impetuous question:
Trying to understand how to listen and act to my personal interests has been a challenge, as it is for so many others. Decision-making changes is an ever-evolving process. From day to week to month this process ends up backtracking and building upon itself until we feel enough confidence of one’s choice. We try so hard to predict the future, but how can we really know what is our ‘best next step. I read Chris Hadfield’s book The Astronaut’s Guide toLiving on Earth, the summer of my graduation, and it could not have been a more perfect read for my present stage in life. Unlike myself, he was confident at a very young age that he wanted to pursue a career path towards an astronaut. His reminders were incredibly helpful and insightful: it is not that you necessarily have to know what you want to do at any specific time in your life but establishing overarching goals are important steps that will help lead you to explore into the general direction or field. It is only through life, growth, and actively doing things that interest you will in the end, determine whether you achieve these goals. Alternately, Steve Jobs had said along the lines of that, “you don’t have to like what you do every day, but if you find yourself not enjoying your daily activity for some time in sequence, change something.” As Hadfield had also discussed in a seminar in Ottawa I had the pleasure of attending, he promotes to “start making decisions today and stick with them. Decision-making is a skill, and the more you do the better you will get at it”. Having made it though extreme and endless training, screenings and then successfully completing two missions in space, I trust that this individual knows and understands his stuff!

The experience in Guatemala (see previous posts) while reading Clea Koff’s TheBone Woman: A Forensic Anthropologist’s Search for Truth in the Mass Graves of Rwanda, Bosnia, Croatia, and Kosovo really got me seriously interested in a career pursuit towards Forensic Anthropology to improving human rights and justice. But then I soon hit the point of second-guessing seeing how programs and applications can be strictly limiting to narrow prerequisites for further schooling. I would have to go back and complete almost in entirety another undergraduate program. Similarly, with my interest in pursuing a career in international law, I observed that  I have to already have a major in the field. But how would I have had these passions if it was not for completing Conflict Studies and Human Rights with the minor in Psychology; a specific focus that a plain undergrad in law may not have given me.
Digging deeper, the pattern of questioning has caused a lot of anxiety. One, is that I have not been sure how I am going to turn these interests into a career. I would think that eventually I would have to just pick one, deny all my other passions to something I am ehh about, and just resign myself to the incessant feeling of satisfaction or begging for the weekend/days off. I refuse to live like that! Another reason for anxiety is worrying that there is something wrong with having so many different interests or something is wrong with me for not just sticking with what I pick. I worry that all this questioning is an abnormality, that I am scattered or afraid of commitment, or that I am self-sabotaging, afraid of my own success. But there are long-term effects to putting yourself down, which are deeply damaging and the reason is simple. When you put yourself down, people believe you.
Emile Wapnick reminds us that it is from our culture where we learn to assign the meaning of wrong or abnormal to doing many things. It is the idea of destiny or one true calling, the idea that we each have one great thing we are meant to do during our time on this earth, and that you need to figure out what that thing is and devote your life to it. While it may be a good start up exercise, it limits our youthful curiosity and interests to singular thinking, one occupation that is your only defining character. You may have listed off five things but the person may chuckle back at you, “Oh cute, but you can’t be a psychologist and a violin maker. You have to choose”. Emilie introduce someone who is just this.

The funny part is the people that I admire most are those who have experienced what they express as hiccups, experienced many different fields and jobs and then learned from those experiences. These are often the same people that end up saying that they wish they would have known afterwards. Emile reminds us that if there are a lot of different subjects that you are interested in and many different things you want to do then, no worries, you are a Multipotentialite. There is indeed room for someone like you in this framework. You are like the Leonardo Da Vinci’s or Alexander Graham Bell’s. You are the polymath, the Renaissance person: someone with many interests and creative pursuits. She points out three ‘superpowers’ which should embrace as there are a lot of complex, multi-dimensional problems in this world, and we need the voices of the out-of-the-box thinkers to tackle them: 1.     Idea Synthesis – combining two or more fields and creating something new at the intersection 2.     Rapid Learning – in depth learning of whatever we can get our hands on and not being afraid beginnings or learning new things.  We bring everything we have learned to every new area we pursue 3.     Adaptability  -  ability to adjust ourselves readily to different conditions

So this is positive news, but but I remember, all the knowledge and inspiration with not happen until fits best to us. As JamieVaron of the Huffington Post puts it: “You are as you are until you're not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action in the timing that is best”. That's just how it happens. It is true, sometimes we just feel like we just need permission to do so. We cannot just conjure up motivation when you do not have it, we cannot control these factors, but we just need to deal and live with life in order for those experiences to solidify into motivation and inspiration, maybe two months, two years or later. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude or reflection . Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the creation upon which you build your life. Most of our unhappiness stems from the believe that our lives should be different that they are. We believe we have control and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer, more attractive, smarter or happier. You need to see lessons where there are barriers and that you need to understand that what is right now becomes inspiration and identity later. Sometimes we are not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. As an endnote Varon notes, “There is magic beyond us that works in ways we can’t understand. We can’t game it. We can’t 10-point list it. We can’t control it. We have to just let it be, to take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will. One day, this moment will make sense. Trust that. Give yourself permission to trust that.”
Keep Going and Never Give Up!

Some Music: 
Further Reads:
The Confidence Gap